Eating Disorder Recovery?

Hi beautiful people !

So, it's been long since I have post about my past eating disorder. The truth is, I don't know if it's in the past or not yet. I gained weight, I got to my normal BMI, and I don't look like a living skeleton walking around. But I still count calories, I still get anxious when I don't exercise, and I still think about food all the time. So have I really  recover? No. It's a big step for me to say it be yes I have recovered physically but mentally, I am still trapped. I know now that I have to eat for my body but I still feel scared and get mad at myself if I ate too much or ate something "unplanned". Hence, I am planning to start listening to my body. (easy said than done) Eat less when I feels full and eat more when I'm hungry or simply want to eat. Food shouldn't be just good for your body. It should be good for the soul too. It's Halloween today and I remember last Halloween I was restricting myself so that I could enjoy some candy but when night falls, I did not even dare to touch one piece of chocolate. Good thing is, I am slowly teaching myself how to enjoy food. I am teaching myself not to categorize things and to differentiate what is food for fuel and food for soul. Balance is the key. I am writing another post about recover, which will be up pretty soon but I just want to put this post up to give you a heads up and also to talk to all of you again. Have a lovely day and Happy Halloween !! 

hugs and kisses