Change.

After what happened in Orlando, I needed time to properly process things. No, I did not know a lot about Christina Grimmie but I wish I had. No, the people who were shot was not any of my family or friends but we are all human. The unknown lost I felt is so confusing and so raw. I don't know them, but I loved them. I don't know them but I feel so lost. I don't know them but I feel like something is ripe apart from me. I know it sounds stupid but after days of thinking, I realized what was robbed from me- hope. I had so much hope that the world could be better. I had hope for humanity, for freedom, and for love. I had hope that we, as human, are better. But I was wrong. I once told myself to never expect and just hope. So I did hope but now, hope is lost.

Everyone wants to have a say in things and to be heard. But, whoever thinks that they have the right to take other's life for what they believe in and to think that their beliefs are superior over others, is wrong. You may believe in one thing but other's don't have to agree. That is what makes us all unique. If we shoot everyone who is different from us, no one will be alive. We can all disagree on things, that's what makes us keep improving. I thought we were more civilized now to understand that disagreements can be solved with agreements, not with blood.

Other countries look to America as leaders. Other people look at America as the land of hope and the land of freedom. But what is freedom, when we cannot freely express who we are and who we love? What is hope when we see people being gunned down because they are different? In 10 years time, how will we tell the next generation, your daughters, and you grandsons, that they can no longer be who they are and that they must be this "thing" that society expects them to be? You said God forbid gay and same sex marriage but God does not forbid love in any way. He and any God out there and any God there is, forbid hate and killing.

I was so sad for the people and for the world but I was also so angry with myself. One of my friends said it was silly of me to feel that way because I couldn't do anything. Maybe that's why I was angry because I couldn't do anything. We live in a generation where we can do anything. We can travel to Pluto, we can cure diseases, we overcome the worst depressions, we walked through storms and hurricanes, and we made the world smaller with technology. I always thought there is nothing we can't overcome but after this event, I don't know anymore. I don't know how we can fix this. I don't know how we can make people understand that it's okay to disagree but it's not okay to hurt. I don't know how I can make people understand that they don't need to spill blood or to carry so much hate in them. Hate does not accomplish anything. Hate will only shadow you with more darkness and once you let the darkness swallow you up, you are gone.

Love won before and love will win again. 

hugs and kisses