Nuts over Nuts- My Binge Eating Disorder Story

Nuts over nuts- My Binge Eating 

Let me tell you a story about me and nuts. Before, I crave a lot of nuts. I would want them everyday, for every meal. It's not just a handful of them or 1/4 cups of nuts that I want. Once I start eating, I can't stop. It's almost like a drug . I started to think whether or not I was binge eating. I had all the symptoms of the disorder; I felt guilty after eating, I can't stop eating even though I was full, and I was eating very fast. I looked online to how I could stop it. I started saying no to nuts in the day but at night, after dinner, I would make a little sneaky trip to the snack counter and grab the jar of nuts. I would promise myself to only have a handful, but later, just within a few minutes, I finished more than half of the jar. I cried that night, How could I give in? Why am I doing this? How do I get out?

I feel like a lost puppy, drown in a well of darkness. There was no direction, no one to guide me through it. Even looking up to the sky for some light was dark to me. After sitting down and thinking it though, I decided to convince myself that it was not a binge. I told myself that it was only my body telling me that I am lacking something, some nutrients that I have not succeeded in giving it. I was following a high carb low-fat lifestyle and having nuts made me so anxious because it was high in fats. Then it hit me, I was restricting my fat intake for so long that my body needs it. My body is calling for it. I realized that the answer to my dry skin, my fatigue, and my crumbled hair was the fact that I was not consuming enough fats. Once I convinced myself that it was only my body responds to my restriction and not a "binge" or my failure to control myself, I felt as if there was hope for the little puppy in me.

I know now that binge comes from restriction. If I stop restricting myself, I will stop bingeing, I told myself. So I bought some nuts. I have them every night, soon I have them every other night and later, I only have them only when I crave them.

I was in control again. I am listening to my body and my body is listening to me. You think I would have known that balance is the key since I practice yoga, but it is easy said than done.

Like yoga, balance requires practice. You have to try, try and try again with the foods you eat. Not everyone requires xxxx amount of calories, not everyone craves the same thing. Find your balance, experiment with all different kind of food. Life is not about balance, but it is about finding it.

The most valuable adventure in life is not accomplishing goals, but the journey to accomplishing it. 

hugs and kisses

P.S. I would like to add that I do not blame the vegan or the high carb low fat lifestyle. It was my choice to restrict, it was my choice to deprive my body of fats. I made the choice. The vegan/hclf lifestyle simple addresses people to have a higher amount of carbs and lower amount of fats. With different people, with different bodies, we require a different amount of carbs and fat. Yes, people say the ideal amount is 80/10/10 but that is simply a guideline. It is only an ideal guideline, we are not ideally the same. Your body is not made of numbers. You are not a walking calculator. Eat what you think will do best for your body. Don't just eat for a healthy body, but eat for a healthy soul.