Thursday, 23 October 2014

My Deepest Fear.

Yesterday, I took off. I flew to a whole new country, a whole new environment that felt like a whole new world. Many of my family and friends asked :

Wont you miss this place? Home?

Wont you miss your family? friends?

or say something like

You must be happy and excited

Don't get me wrong, I am excited and happy. Say the truth, I still pinch myself every time I wake up so I would know that I am not dreaming. But the truth is, I am scared.

I am scared of what lies ahead, the unknown. No matter how many smiles or how much I convince myself that I will be alright but being alright was a definition I still don't have the answer to. What does alright feel like? I often think what my life would be like if I did not took off? What would my life be if I did? The future scares everyone, don't tell me you aren't scared. The unknown is like the darkness, we yearn for the comfort of light as it provides shape and form. But what if you couldn't find the light and your darkness became a blur. What the future lies may be great when I am here, but will it be what I want. Leaving my family, my friends, was it worth it ? What if it didn't turn out the way I wanted it? What if my plans were like the millions of plan people had but never did come to life?

I had so much doubt and worries but when I was on the plane, I thought, it doesn't matter where I go. Family will still be there, true friends will stick but dreams are just one life opportunity. Its a grab it or leave it decision. I am not good with decisions if you know me well, I suck at them but I took this risk. What is life without risk right? My thoughts are now on a fine line but there is one thing I am sure. Right now, I am happy and that what's matter. This thought me a lot that we should do what we want and what makes us happy. We shouldn't think so much of the future. since we cant control it then way waste time worrying how it will turn out. Let faith have a word in our life and let faith bring the light. If you love what you do then do it. What matters now may not matter tomorrow but as long as now, you are happy then that whats truly matter.   

Hugs and kisses

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