Monday, 2 November 2015

What I've Learned from My ED Recovery

What I've Learned from My ED Recovery

Hi guys !

If you've read my last post, you would know that I have recovered from my eating disorder, physically. I am still working on the mentality part but I just want to let you know it's okay to take baby steps. We didn't learn to walk in one day. So here it is, what I've learned from my eating disorder.

First thing is,

Admitting you are sick and need help is the bravest thing you could have done. I admitted I was sick to my parents but they didn't seem to understand at first because no one really had this disorder before and they never heard of it. Later that night my dad went online and search for more information. He came to me the next day and said he will be there for me whenever I needed him. That, to me, was the most touching thing anyone could have said to me at that state. Because having and ED is not like a fever. No doctor and give you a surgery or medicine and you will be find the next day. It's a mental issue and to fight with the mind is to fight a battle with no arms. The mind, like it or not, controls us. If you don't get help, you'll be it's puppet. The demon in your head will conquer your body, your heart, your mind, and your soul. Soon, you won't know who the real you is and who is the demon inside of you.

You know when you are in recovery and people always say, "no you should eat more. More!"  Well yeah we should eat more but not to a point where you have a bad impression of food. When we have ED our stomach shrinks and when we start to eat again, it will stretch. Now, that's a good thing but I also think that you should slowly increase your food intake so that your stomach can learn to expand wider each day. If you switch from 1000 calories a day to 2000 calories, you will hurt your body and you will feel bloated. When you are bloated you tend to think, "omg I'm going to be fat," no darling, your stomach is just happy to have all the food and it's hugging them. Relax and eat slowly, let your stomach learn to expand. "Slowly" doesn't mean increasing 500 cal each month, it means having more snacks today and having seconds at dinner tomorrow. Each day, add something to your diet, something extra, something your stomach and your body would live you for.

I also like to point out that, when you are in recovery, your dietician will give you a meal plan, follow it but don't feel restricted by it. If the plan doesn't say you can have an apple in the morning, don't feel like you cannot. Have the damn apple and be happy. The meal plan is only the minimum you can eat. It's a guideline to what you have to eat per day, not a law you have to follow 100% . Also, try not to count calories. It's a waste of time and energy. You will feel anxious and worry for nothing. Food is not made up of number and your body is not made up of number .

Another thing I've learned during my recovery is, no food is bad and no food is good. I know you have heard this a million times but it's so true. Food is not just for fuel, it's for your soul. Whenever I feel like I've had too much in a meal, I would always remind myself, "Our fingers are all different length, so why must our daily food intake be the same each day? Some days I'll have less, and some days I'll have more. Why? Because I can. Because this is living and this is life."  

Exercising is also a debatable part during recovery. It's not recommended to exercise when you have not reached your BMI. But it's also not recommended to exercise when you are still mentally not free from ED mindset, even if you are physically healthy. I would say, exercise when you WANT not when you NEED. Whenever I feel bad for not exercising, I would always tell myself, "I am not in a race or in a competition to be the leanist or the fittest. I am living life to be the healthiest I can be."

I think I've covered quite a lot here but one more important thing to remember is, it is YOUR recovery. Do not follow other's meal plan or other people's diet because they look fit and happy in their Instagram. Follow your own and you will be happy and healthy. 

hugs and kisses

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